Worst Christmas idea ever

It was the worst Christmas idea ever. Tom and Dick had been friends since 1512. Having lived for more than a thousand years, they had seen everything there was to see about this world. The two guys never aged nor died. They stopped making new friends after watching everyone who was dear to them grow old and die leaving them with nothing but bitter memories. After seeing every woman they became an item with grow old and die they decided to be homosexuals and marry each other.

They always treated every Christmas day like any other for the one thousand plus times they had been through it until they decided to celebrate one Christmas in 2020. During that time most countries were under lockdown because of Covid 19 regulations. Tom and Dick being immortal decided that they would break the rules and get away with it.

Having eaten everything there is to eat in this world, they decided that cooking delicious food was not a way to celebrate Christmas so when the 25th day of December came they decided to celebrate it by drinking themselves to silliness. How were they going to get the alcohol yet bars had been shut down by health ministries? They would buy it from supermarkets of course.

So the sodomiser and the sodomised went shopping for alcohol in their Bentley with Dick as the driver. They wanted to get as drunk as they possibly could to forget the mysteries they had been through across centuries forgetting that Christmas was not all about them but celebrating the birth of Christ.

They bought as much alcohol as they could carry. Tom suggested that drinking in the house was boring and since curfew time was nowhere near they would go somewhere up the hills of Ngong, drink themselves to sheer merriment then go back home before curfew time. That’s what they did.

Up Ngong hills,they found a suitable position to host their little party. They drunk and drunk then danced to the music that was playing in their car whose doors they had deliberately left wide open. They started lovemaking, got back to drinking and dancing then repeated the whole process until they were drunken. One hour to curfew time, they entered into their Bentley and this time Tom was to drive them back home. “Merry Christmas!” They said with high fives clicking in the air.

Tom started the engine of the car. Without putting on their seatbelts, their journey back home set off. Before they could go anywhere their car lost control and started heading for the wrong direction. Suddenly it started rolling down the hill going about ten fts down before crushing on a gulley with a thud.

I had been watching them from my Villa on the hill and hearing their immortality stories sounded interesting to me. Seeing two men disgustingly making love to each other got me devastated to a point I couldn’t look their way so I lost interest in watching them and went back to my business in the villa, deciding that I didn’t want to see the abomination. I came up here with my family during some holidays and this time my wife and I agreed upon vacating here instead of incurring big expenses during a year that Covid had left the economy fractured. Having had our Christmas meals we realized that drinks were lacking so my wife and children had gone to do shopping at the township of Ngong leaving me alone to do some repairs in the backyard.

“Papa Papa,” I heard my youngest daughter calling me and I knew immediately that they had come back from shopping. I went out to meet her. She looked shocked.

“I am here dear. How was shopping?” I said thinking that she was probably shocked I didn’t answer her quickly.

“Papa there is a car that has crushed in the gulley out there. Mum says there are people inside there who need our help.” She said in between rapid breaths jump-starting me into action.

We rushed out there. I met my wife and other children had managed to pull the bodies out of the dismantled car. My wife gave me that look that says, “they are dead.”

So the immortal men could die after all? Just not a natural death.

Celebrate this Christmas responsibly. If you must drink, don’t drink excessively and if you drink, don’t drive. Christmas is not your celebration but Jesus’. Just like you would give your friend a gift on their birthday, give Jesus Christ a gift on his birthday this Christmas. Give him your old life, your burdens, your struggles and become born again instead of drinking your way to unhealthiness in the name of celebrating.

Leave a Reply